june 6th

Scott came home on Friday. He was in the field for the last 10 days doing what he does best, fixing things electrical. I enjoyed it when he came home because I had missed him alot, but I do not enjoy that now I am back to sitting around and making him do everything. When he is away I do everything, from laundry to bathing the kids to cooking dinner. When he is home, I do next to nothing, I may do a few loads of laundry, possibly cook dinner once in a while and bath the kids maybe once a month. I hate being lazy but it is so easy for me to just sit back and let Scott do it all. I have stopped pretending that I am getting better, I figured out that the only reason that I wasnt getting better was because subconsciously I was pretending to be happy so that everyone would stop pestering me about everything. Now, I have finally let my doctor and councilor know that Im done pretending. We are now in the midst of yet another med change and I am getting to the bottom of everything with my councilor. We are going to hit it where it began - in childhood.

My mom is my best line of support at the moment, she has been through what I am going through with Chase, with me. I talk to her at LEAST once a day, sometimes twice, and we just discuss how I am feeling about things, how things are going with me trying to get the school to develop Chase's IEP (individual education plan), and how things are going with the other kids. She had four kids really close together as well. I tell her more than I tell Scott sometimes.